


Overwhelmed

by KaytheJay



Category: Good Omens (TV)
Genre: Autism, Autism Spectrum, Autistic Aziraphale (Good Omens), M/M, Overstimulation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-06
Updated: 2020-12-06
Packaged: 2021-03-10 00:27:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,427
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27915238
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KaytheJay/pseuds/KaytheJay
Summary: What can I do for you?Aziraphale shook his head. He had no idea. All he knew was everything was too much. Too much, too much, too much, his body screamed. He felt tears burn the backs of his eyes. Crowley stuffed his hands in his pockets to keep from reaching out to touch the angel. He didn’t want to make things worse. Aziraphale was already so miserable. He had to think of a solution all by himself. He couldn’t talk to the angel, nor could he touch him or carry him to safety. However, the angel seemed that he wasn’t going to be moving from the spot that he stood for a while.
Relationships: Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens)
Comments: 15
Kudos: 105





	Overwhelmed

**Author's Note:**

> Hello and welcome to day 6 of my Countdown to Christmas! 
> 
> I’ve wanted to write autistic Aziraphale for a while now. Seeing as I’m someone who is on the spectrum, it really really resonates with me to see a lot of traits in him that I have myself (or perhaps I do a lot of projecting, but what’s the difference anyway?). I just never really had a proper idea beyond “autistic Aziraphale” for me to actually write this. But now you’re getting this. 
> 
> I hope you enjoy it!

Aziraphale felt the noise of London starting to bleed into his system. Everything was overwhelming from the sound of shoes on the pavement to the wind blowing against his face. He covered his ears and shook his head. 

“Angel, are you ok?” Crowley asked. The words sent knives to Azirpahale’s eardrums. He shook his head again. Crowley reached out to touch the angel but thought better of it. He’d seen Aziraphale get like this only a handful of times before, but he knew that touching him was just about the worst thing he could do to the angel at the current second. Crowley miracled a pen and paper and  _ dared  _ them to make a noise as he wrote a message down for Aziraphale. Aziraphale flinched when Crowley showed him the paper but read it without taking his hands off his ears. 

_ What can I do for you? _

Aziraphale shook his head. He had no idea. All he knew was  _ everything  _ was too much.  _ Too much, too much, too much, his _ body screamed. He felt tears burn the backs of his eyes. Crowley stuffed his hands in his pockets to keep from reaching out to touch the angel. He didn’t want to make things worse. Aziraphale was already so miserable. He had to think of a solution all by himself. He couldn’t talk to the angel, nor could he touch him or carry him to safety. However, the angel seemed that he wasn’t going to be moving from the spot that he stood for a while.    
  


“What is wrong with him?” A passerby muttered, unaware that Crowley had heard it. In a normal circumstance, Crowley would have gone after the human for mocking his angel. Today, however, there were more pressing things at hand. For example, trying to get the angel to a safe place where he would de-stress however he needed to. Besides, he couldn’t run off after a person when his angel clearly needed his support right now. Crowley pulled the notepad and pen back out of his pocket. 

_ Can you make it to the bookshop?  _

Aziraphale looked up to try and get a sense of where they were. But the noise and the wind were overwhelming his brain, so he couldn’t think properly of where they were or how far the bookshop was. Noticing a tear slip out of Azirpahale’s eye, Crowley crossed it off to show that he was throwing the whole idea away. 

_ Would it upset you if I performed a miracle to get us to the bookshop right now?  _

Usually, Aziraphale didn’t like sudden change. He particularly hated navigating by miracle. However, he simply wanted to be at home, so he shook his head in response. Crowley nodded and closed his eyes. He lightly touched his pinky to Aziraphale’s coat. When Aziraphale looked up, they were back in the bookshop. He took his hands off his ears. He let out a sigh of relief. 

_ Am I ok to talk now or do you want me to keep doing things this way? _ Crowley handed the pad and paper to Aziraphale, so he could respond. He knew that Aziraphale sometimes suffered from mutism, especially when things like this happened. 

_ Please keep writing _ , Aziraphale wrote back. Crowley nodded. 

_ Of course, angel. What can I do for you?  _

Aziraphale tried to think. His brain had cleared out a little bit. He was no longer being assaulted by his senses. But he really didn’t know what he needed from Crowley. All he knew was that he wanted to go to bed. 

_ I’m going to my room. Give me a moment to collect myself, but please stay _ . 

As soon as Aziraphale handed the pad and paper back to Crowley, he headed to his room. He wasn’t quite sure if this was really what he needed, but it would at least give him a chance, like he’d told Crowley, to collect himself. That was really what he needed to do. 

He didn’t bother with the light. He knew it would hurt his eyes and it would make everything worse. He settled himself into bed and closed his eyes. 

***

Aziraphale wasn’t aware that he’d fallen asleep until he woke back up. He felt significantly better than he had pre-nap. That was a good sign. There was a mug, his favorite mug, sitting on his nightstand full of hot cocoa. Crowley must have gotten it for him. Aziraphale smiled and reached over for it. He took a sip and sighed. Perfect, as Crowley always somehow managed to make it. He decided that he was well enough to go out and see Crowley. The poor dear must be worried sick about him. 

That is one of the things he hated most about these little episodes. His body reacted to normal life as if he was dying from it when that simply was not the case. It completely shut him down for no reason other than . . . well he wasn’t sure of the reason. Being overwhelmed by normal things like that was simply absurd. Crowley smiled when he saw the angel and began writing something on the pad from earlier. 

“No need for that,” Aziraphale said. “It seems I have gotten over my being dramatic for the day.” 

“Dramatic?” Crowley asked with genuine curiosity. “I don’t think you were being dramatic.” Aziraphale sighed. 

“You don’t see anyone else getting upset with the sounds of the world like that. Not to a point that you can’t walk or speak.” He shook his head. “The definition of dramatic is pulling more from a situation than that exists in that situation. And I certainly did that.” Aziraphale shook his head. “I’m sorry to have embarrassed you.” 

“Aziraphale, I am shocked at you,” Crowley said. “You could run through London with nothing hiding your dignity singing ‘I’m a Barbie Girl’ by Aqua and I wouldn’t be embarrassed by you. So your emotions got the best of you, so what?” 

“What’s that?”

“That’s beside the point,” Crowley said. “I don’t understand what just happened but I’m not embarrassed by it. Nor should you be. Is it ok if I hug you?” Aziraphale nodded. Crowley wrapped his arms around Aziraphale. “Angel, whatever you experienced just now was  _ real  _ and completely not dramatic at all. Anyone who said or thought anything about it is just a judgemental asshole. Your feelings are  _ real _ . So what if the world gets a little bit much for you sometimes?” Crowley gave the angel another squeeze before letting go. 

“You really mean that?” Crowley nodded. 

“I do,” Crowley replied. “I really, really do.” Crowley reached up and wiped away a tear that Aziraphale hadn’t even been aware of. “Oh, come now, angel, no need to cry.” 

“Heaven told me I was broken and defective,” Aziraphale murmured. “There was something  _ wrong _ with me. Eye contact isn’t that bad. You can’t just go around getting annoyed at the world for being  _ loud _ . You’re going to touch things, you can’t avoid it forever. Don’t flap your hands like that. Stop fidgeting. You’re being distracting.” Aziraphale shook his head. “I  _ am  _ broken. I’m not like the other angels. And I’m almost positive that no other demons act like me either.” 

“That’s alright, we don’t need them, ‘member? We walked out on them. You’re not broken. You’re just unique.” 

“Gabriel once told me that I take things too literally. I always take my assignments  _ too literally _ .” Crowley rolled his eyes. 

“Well that was his fault for not making the instructions more clear,” Crowley replied. “Left some up to be interpreted, his fault.” Crowley shrugged. “I don’t care what they said to you. I think you’re perfect just the way you are. You’re  _ different.  _ Sure, I would agree with that. We all have our things though. But I don’t think that you’re  _ broken _ , and I really don’t want you believing that nonsense either.” Aziraphale began rubbing his fingers. “Don’t listen to them. They don’t care about you. They only cared about how much use you could be to them. Listen to me. I love you, all of your little quirks included. You wouldn’t be the same without them.” 

“I-” Crowley kissed Azirpahale’s temple. 

“You don’t have to say anything. It is ok.” Crowley smiled. “And I know it is easier said than done, but would you please at least try to stop believing everything that Heaven said?” Aziraphale nodded. “Good.” He stood up. “Now how’s about a book? I’ll go find one. Any book you want. Those always seem to cheer you up?” Aziraphale wiggled his fingers in excitement. 

“Surprise me please?” 

**Author's Note:**

> Hits and kudos mean the world to me. Comments fuel me into next week.   
> Find me on Tumblr @justanangelandhisdemon and @justademonandtheirangel


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